Journal 1/3/18

*crawls out of cave with bemused expression upon her brow as she tries to sort confuzzled thoughts*

Buckle up fellas, this is going to be a random word vomit. 

~

Break is bliss.

Currently I'm on Christmas break and it's amazing. It's great to get away from school and do things I love, spend time with friends and family, and feed my creative juices. 


I'm reading a ton = ha, what is sleep?

I recently finished The Maze Runner--a friend lent it to me. It was alright. I wasn't overly impressed, but I might read the next book, y'know, just to see what happens. ;)
A new obsession of mine is Keepers of the Lost Cities. It's an easier read, and the back claims it's for ages 8-12 (stupid, don't tell me what to do), but it's such a fun and sweet series. Totally invested in the characters and I have to read the rest of the series. :D
I'm reading another amazing fantasy book, but you'll see that in this month's Tea and a Read.

proud of this picture

Endeavors at art (glorious failures)

    I've been working on refining "my" art style-- a simple cartoon pencil mess with Burtonesque flair and random pencil scratches. It's nothing fancy, but it's actually helping me write. I've started a journal for character sketches and have taken to sketching random people I see (I try to be inconspicuous and am only slightly creepy.) I make up backstories for them and it's so much fun. 



                                        Stress *screech*

I start rehearsals for a winter dance show on Saturday with the scariest teacher at my studio, have rehearsals for two major dance productions coming up, and am auditioning for my school's production of Beauty and the Beast. 

I honestly need to find out what needs to go, because I don't want to self combust (a natural reaction, I believe.) I'll have to look at my schedule. 

Also, to get it off my chest,  I STINKING HATE MATH

just so you know it's extremely awkward when you think you're alone while doing dramatic choreography and someone walks in
Taking a breath

I made resolutions and plans.
I'm determined to do everything in my power to find balance.
I can do this.
I hope.


~

What's going on in your life? Are you reading any good books lately? Do you loathe math with the same burning ardor that I possess? 

~ K A T H R Y N










2

Emotions

they flit like finicky faeries 
ride on the wings of change
undulating with the mystery they carry
marred, confused, strong, and strange

a thousand shifting shades
biting and tearing like lies
rampage quickly on their raids
heedless of silent cries

i resist and run away
close my eyes and clench my teeth
they shall not triumph today
hide their shriveling bodies beneath


this picture does not relate to the poem at all but yay for cool sunlight


~

'Lo there, just popping in to share this poem I whipped up last week.
I've been very busy with school and dance as of late, and exams are underway. I've taken history and philosophy exams and have French, chemistry, math, and english left. I'm not very worried about any of them except for chemistry. It's not like I don't LIKE chem, it's just a very hard subject for me and has been giving me a constant stomach ache.
 Oh well, once I'm done I'll be on CHRISTMAS BREAK! :)

I plan on posting Tea and a Read next week and I have a fabulous book to share with you all. 

~ K A T H R Y N

1

The Sixth Sense // Novel Snippets



'Lo,

I don't really feel comfortable sharing my stories on here, but everyone in the Blogger world seems to be displaying their NaNo work for feedback/commentary and I'd love to hear what you have to say.
 So, here's some unedited rubbish that I'm hoping turns into a decent story someday. As you will see, I'm going for a sic-fi, dystopian feel, but I'm a little concerned it's going to turn into the "typical dystopian" (you know what kind of books I'm talking about.) Has anyone experienced this problem before?

This November I've worked more on planning rather than "winging it" and letting my whims drive me. I'm so much happier with this approach, and it provides structure without cramping creativity. 

These snippets are totally unedited and I havn't looked at them for a while...be warned. :)
~

- Snippet One -

Press to start transcription
*lol that's supposed to be in a cool font but blogger doesn't want to use it*


His hands shake as he slowly moved towards the screen. His eyes are narrowed, his lips dry and trembling. He is frightened but determined. I leap towards the monster apparatus, yelling.
“Xandar, stop! You don’t know what you’re doing!” I shout as loud as I can over the whir of the waiting machine, pulling his face away from the screen. He regards me with a bleary gaze of annoyance and desperately tries to yank his head away. I grit my teeth and pull him closer, trying to read his vacant eyes. My heart hurts for him, but I’m mad at him too. How could he be so stupid?
I’m jerked out of my thick thoughts as the resistance of his head against my hands slackens. He’s weak. I quickly disconnect the cord from his port and try to lower him to the floor.
“We need to get out of here, now, okay?” I say slowly, trying to make him register that this is important. After a few seconds of confused recognition, he nods meekly and stumbles towards the door. The door looks far away and I can feel the perspiration creeping down past my eyebrows, blurring my vision. I want my heart to stop pounding in my ears, in my head, in my brain... I must get him out of here. I can’t let them win.


“Stop right there.”



I wake up with a jolt, tumbling out of bed on to the floor, my heart beating wildly. This is the third time in a week that I’ve had the dream, and it gets vivider every time. I take a quick swipe around my bedroom just to make sure everything is as I’d left it the night before. Pink, early morning light filters in through the curtains, making me feel better. It’s a dream, just paranoia spurred on by the increasingly bizarre and terrifying news coverage that we can’t rip our eyes from. Suppressed stories that we piece together, our imaginations filling in the blanks.

- Snippet Two -

“Reina! Wait for me!” A shrill voice yells my name from behind, and I hear light footsteps behind me. Ceilia, the Mayor’s fair haired daughter grins at me, her small frame trembling with pent up energy. Ceilia is five years younger than I, but we get along well. I am intrigued by her intelligent, piercing grey eyes, and she reminds me of a young meadow lark, always flitting about doing something. I take her small hand in mine and we continue walking to the school in a companionable silence, our exhalations leaving small puffs of vapor in the biting air.
“Reina?” Ceilia breaks the silence, turning her head upwards to look me in the face. “Do you want to hear something daddy said this morning?” 
I smile, nodding at her. We continue walking.
“Daddy said something bad happened at the Party Capital last night. They wanted to arrest a boy, you see, and of course he didn’t want to be arrested, I mean, would you? Anyway, he escaped, and the Capital is crazy mad over it. They sent alerts to all the divisions officials, like daddy, saying to keep an eye out for the boy. I just don’t understand what a boy could do that could be so bad.”
She pauses for breath, her small pale face screwing up in confusion. I raise my eyebrows, sure this is another dramatic retelling of her father’s small tasks. I am slightly unsettled, however, because she hasn’t ever told me anything like this. I don’t want to worry her head with any questions, I can already see she is worried. I swing her arm, skipping for a few steps. “Wanna race the rest of the way?” I ask nonchalantly, my face breaking into a smile. The cloud of confusion on Ceilia’s face clears and she brightens. “Try to keep up!” She giggles mischievously, breaking into a surprisingly fast sprint. I follow suit, laughing despite the burning feeling the cold leaves in my lungs. We reach the tall building at the same time.

from pinterest a.k.a. the black hole of pretended productivity


~ K A T H R Y N




0

Half-Half


 she yearns for the light but is afraid
to step out of the velvety shadow
a place of shelter
a covering that does not reveal
imperfection
and
undesirability 

the scintillating glow of light beckons
what would it be like 
if she joined the demigods that lived there
smiling faces with knowing eyes
who see with clarity and appreciation
all that is expected of them
perfectly cut pieces that fit into
the pleasing puzzle 

two worlds to live in
a wish to live in both
a fear
a yearning
a tear
a burning
a year
pages turning

the constant debate

----

a poem inspired by shadowy pictures and recent reflections




~ K A T H R Y N

2

Tea and a Read // October 2017


Reading


Halloween is one of my favorite holidays, so this month I'm reading some of my favorite creepy stories! I love H.P. Lovecraft's eloquent writing style and engaging storylines. 
Librivox has free recordings of numerous Lovecraft works (in addition to many other amazing books.) Check it out!

Drinking


Trader Joe's Spicy Chai Tea Latte Mix is the bomb! It's the perfect drink for fall, in addition to being easy and inexpensive. A great alternative to morning coffee, as proven by a sleep deprived highschool student (yours truly.)


~

Have a fantabulous weekend,

~ K A T H R Y N

P.S. Any good book recommendations?








3

All About Writing

'Lo!

These are a couple of writing questions I've gotten frequently ever since I started sharing my writing on here! I decided to jumble them all into one post. :)



When Did You First Start Writing? 

I honestly don't know. My earliest memory of writing was writing fantasy stories in composition books while I was supposed to be doing math. I wrote about a haunted house, a girl who lived on a hill who was quite strange, and two foxes that shared forbidden love in a forest while being terrorized by a wolf. Actually I don't know if it was a wolf. It may have been an owl.

Have You Always Been Interested In Writing?

Yes. I can't imagine my like without words.

Why Do You Like Writing?

Writing is a way to capture the beauty in this world, material and immaterial. It's a way to share how you feel and  how you see things. Through writing, you can transcend yourself to others.

What Genre Do You Write In?

Usually fantasy or historical fiction. I'd like to write a mystery someday, though.



Have You Ever Written A Story With Your Friend?

YES! Tonks and I have written many a story on Google Docs, and writing with her is one of my favorite memories. 
I think my favorite is our historical fiction stories--all the characters are based off us and people we know.

How do you write your stories? (first or third person, past or present tense)

I am constantly trying new things. I really enjoy writing in the present tense for poetry. I write in the third person for books that take place long ago and first for more recent and futuristic ones. I also write in the second person a lot. I'm usually addressing myself or somebody I'm mad at.
#throwbacktothreeyearsagowhenIwroteapoemtomymomwhenIwasmadather
#itwasveryrespectful
#butrathersavage
#howwritersgetmad



Where do you see yourself writing-wise in the future?

Right now, I'm just concerned about consistently working on my novel for NaNoWriMo...;)

Where do you get inspiration?

People watching, random observations, dreams, writing prompts, pictures, art, and most importantly, READING. 

~

~ K A T H R Y N

P.S. Tea and a Read coming tomorrow.

*All of the intensely pleasing pictures in this post were found on Pinterest, a land that I visit a little too often. I hope to take some pictures soon!*
2

Perfect // Let's Chat

"You're so perfect, Kathryn. Sometimes I'm so jealous of you."

She said the words in a half amused, half annoyed whine, smiling at my bewildered face. I looked up from what I was doing, not knowing how to reply. 

Huh?

I had spent the majority of the morning feeling pretty down about myself, I can't exactly remember why. I think it was about a grade. I honestly didn't (and still can't) believe that someone could be thinking that about me when I feel so messy, stupid, and just imperfect. I wanted to tell her how I really felt, but I didn't know how. Am I really that good at hiding my imperfections?

We don't know what's going on in another person's head. We don't even know what's going on in our own heads, half the time. So why do we get so wrapped up in what other people think or do, or what we think they think and do? 

What's the fine line between humility and beating yourself down? Are you hiding too much of your real self out of fear or misconception? How much is it okay to hide?



People generally see what they look for 
and hear what they listen for.

-To Kill a Mockingbird


~

These journal-y type posts are a new idea, and I must say I rather like them. So, tell me your thoughts on this topic in the comments and I'll respond in turn. :)

Have a fabulous week!

~ K A T H R Y N




6

Wordless + Currently

'Lo,

When I first started this blog, I posted a lot of the fictional stories I wrote on it. While those stories were rather cringy, I enjoyed getting into the world and characters I created. It felt great. 

For the past few months, I just haven't been inspired to write stories anymore.

Sometimes I have dreams that I want to make into stories, or I have good character ideas, or I have strong emotions that just need to come out in a scene. I just can't put the words on paper. I guess I feel a bit lost and without a roadmap. I've never really felt this as a writer, and I can't figure out why the words aren't coming. Perhaps I just don't have the time I used to have for ideas to stew around in my head and actually become something? 

They say writing inspiration often comes from real life, but I havn't had anything exciting happen to me recently. What's a fella to do?




~

Currently: 

reading: nothing much (very busy with school), but picking up The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis on and off
watching: Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds last night. It was my first Hitchcock film, and I thought it was very well done. 
listening to: Freedom Fry, Imagine Dragons, The Lumineers, usual film scores
doing: a copious amount of homework + projects, studying for my four upcoming tests, volunteering at the food kitchen, practicing my piano piece for ensemble, worrying about school
enjoying: keeping my windows open at night and listening to the sound of the last summer bugs
looking forward to: the next break from school, fall weather + fashion, Halloween and Thanksgiving
missing: my friends, Summer, writing 
etc: I started ballet again last Wednesday and was sore for three days afterwards! It feels great to be back.


~

Have you ever experienced a major writing slump? Do you have any good story ideas? How's your September going?

~ K A T H R Y N





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